Okay, here's my first bit of rancor on this site. I have collected some maxims that seem to be lived out all to often in certain fishbowls. I myself could easily be found guilty of all of these, except for the Pizza Hut one. I remember getting Personal Pan Pizzas through the Book-it program. Basically, if a student read some minimal amount of pages in a month, he'd get a coupon which entitled him to a pizza and a sticker to put on his Book-it pin. A very nice treat for a grade schooler! But my fond memories of that franchise became clouded in Jr. High when I learned how unpleasant heartburn can be. Now that I try to eat healthier food (save the occassional corndog!) and have to take it easy on the dairy products, there's no way I would eat that stuff with a Pizza Ranch in town and a Papa John's within driving distance.
I now present to you some handy guidelines. There's only nine total, to avoid being moralistic:
- Finders, keepers.
- The janitors will take care of it!
- Ice cream cones belong upside down, in the middle of the sidewalk.
- Buying a greasy sponge from Pizza Hut is the best way to stick it to the on-campus food service folks, especially on Sunday.
- Total Depravity - since we are, we might as well be!
- Scholarship can mean organizing platitudes into vapid paragraph form, to be graded and subsequently thrown away.
- A diploma is solid proof that someone is competent.
- The Bible is meant to be opened only during academic occasions, such as Sunday school. It is mostly useful for sparking supercilious discussions.
- The Bible says something vaguely similar to what I heard was in The Banner.