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Distinctively reformed students

This post was written on Wednesday, October 5th, 2005 around 11 AM.
   Okay, here's my first bit of rancor on this site. I have collected some maxims that seem to be lived out all to often in certain fishbowls. I myself could easily be found guilty of all of these, except for the Pizza Hut one. I remember getting Personal Pan Pizzas through the Book-it program. Basically, if a student read some minimal amount of pages in a month, he'd get a coupon which entitled him to a pizza and a sticker to put on his Book-it pin. A very nice treat for a grade schooler! But my fond memories of that franchise became clouded in Jr. High when I learned how unpleasant heartburn can be. Now that I try to eat healthier food (save the occassional corndog!) and have to take it easy on the dairy products, there's no way I would eat that stuff with a Pizza Ranch in town and a Papa John's within driving distance.

   I now present to you some handy guidelines. There's only nine total, to avoid being moralistic:

  1. Finders, keepers.

  2. The janitors will take care of it!

  3. Ice cream cones belong upside down, in the middle of the sidewalk.

  4. Buying a greasy sponge from Pizza Hut is the best way to stick it to the on-campus food service folks, especially on Sunday.

  5. Total Depravity - since we are, we might as well be!

  6. Scholarship can mean organizing platitudes into vapid paragraph form, to be graded and subsequently thrown away.

  7. A diploma is solid proof that someone is competent.

  8. The Bible is meant to be opened only during academic occasions, such as Sunday school. It is mostly useful for sparking supercilious discussions.

  9. The Bible says something vaguely similar to what I heard was in The Banner.

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