a glob of nerdishness

Corporations don’t value my warm fuzzy feelings. Computers go bonkers. Code is hard to write well. Cars keep breaking down; colonies of mold keep forming on things once clean; creepy crawly critters keep coming through the walls; cats keep turning kibble into feral kittens; crooks keep on, who knows when they’ll be back.

Complicated issues don’t have concrete answers, or even easy questions. I keep letting myself settle into the sidelines — the world doesn’t spin the way I think it should, so I stand with my arms folded making cynical, sarcastic and even snide commentary on just how screwed up the entire shebang is.

I’ve been fighting fire with spoonfuls of rancid bacon grease.

Even in my best moods, I still believe that human pride trumps human progress, that people who set out to change the world end up content to just control it instead, that human history teaches history teaches humans little. So if success is simply continuing forward, why bother succeeding? Because failure is unpleasant? Because real men ship? Because my addled programmer brain has no other mode but to find the underlying patterns, implement the missing features, fix the major bugs, of THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE?

I’m not pressing on because I think I can fix the problem, clean up the mess, and squelch the fire. I’m pressing on because, yeah there are messes and I keep making more, yet the world is in good hands. I’ve been blessed despite my brokenness, and from what I’ve been given I hope to give a bit of cool water. And specifically, today’s next step: maybe some of that could affix a mess of pictures to something that resembles a map; I can’t fire myself just yet.